Drag that chair across the floor one more time, and you’ll be the next thing dragging across the floor. These are my thoughts almost every night as my neighbour continuously tests my patience. Even after assuring me that he doesn’t have any furniture to be dragging around, I am still left exasperated every time I can’t fall asleep or reach my essay’s required word count because of the horrible screeching sound. So Robert Frost might have disagreed with neighbours wanting completely discrete spaces for themselves, but I sure don’t, especially when it comes to apartment buildings and block living.
It’s all fun and games when you move into your own little place. You get to decorate it how you want, or leave as bare as you want. You can invite friends over whenever you want. You can come home whenever you want. You don’t have to spend too much time cleaning it because it’s also small enough to maintain. But what happens when the small territory comes big noise and this is not what you want, how do you deal?
If you feel like being a little immature, fight fire with fire, but in a subtle way. Frustrate your noisy neighbours and get back at them for being annoying.
- Vaseline does wonders for cracked lips, but can also frustrate the hell out of your neighbour. Try rubbing some on their doorknob or handle to give them an icky surprise waiting for them when they come home. What’ll make it even sweeter is if they have trouble opening the door. Take that dude who makes falling asleep difficult.
- Order food to your neighbour’s door. Rack up a bill, try new and different places, order some really disgusting stuff, who cares, your neighbour will probably have to cough up some dough. Just be sure that wherever you’re ordering from can’t track your number and call you back to clarify the misunderstanding.
- Everyone hates those letters and fliers, and even people, that constantly try to persuade you to join their A team or give up your soul to them. So why not sign your neighbour up for junk mail, or even better, tell solicitors that they’re interested in a cause. This way you don’t have to lift a finger or say a word, but you know the job is getting done. You can get creative with this one too. Sign them up for random things like fishing trips, catalogues for baby stuff, how to meet the girl/boy of your dreams etc.
In the event that you get caught, don’t be surprised if your neighbour ups their annoyance levels and you guys end up competing for the Douchiest Neighbour Award. Maybe try being an adult and hashing things out with them in a civilised manner. Go over and explain to them what’s bothering you, perhaps they don’t realise what they’re doing is wrong. Let them know that their behaviour is affecting you or your studies and perhaps you can come up with a compromise. If speaking is not your strong suit, write a letter. In this way, you can remain polite and effectively communicate your complaints without seeming confrontational. If all else fails, call in a mediator or get an authoritative figure to help with your case. If that seems too extreme for you, write a passive/aggressive article about it.